Behind the Orange Curtain: The O.C. Cougar-Hunter’s Guide

385 darylhannah Behind the Orange Curtain: The O.C. Cougar Hunters Guide
With JACK FM kicking off its (drum roll please) JACK…COUGAR…MADNESS!!  I thought we’d gather up some info on the best places to go Cougar-hunting in Orange County.  I hit up and searched, “best cougar hunting grounds in Orange County.”  Here’s what came back:

1.  Javier’s Crystal Cove.  Located in Newport.  I’m from the O.C., I love cougars…but I’ve never heard of this place.  So I called ’em.  The man who answered the phone preferred to remain anonymous, but he did confirm that he himself has witnessed prowling by the Newport and Laguna freckle-chested hotties.  He explained that the owner may not particularly want his establishment to be known for it’s Cougarrific clientele, but then again if it’s gonna bring in buisiness…well then it’s all good.  Mr. Anonymous also gave us a hot tip for the hottest hunting season.  Weekends, come early, and during their amazing Sunday Brunch.  Hey Cougars are more than just Maneaters after all.

2.  The bar at St. Regis Monarch Beach Resort.  Located in Dana Point.  Now this may seem like quite a safari to get to Dana Point  just to hunt cougars, but according to the “accommodation assistant” who answered my call, the time to hunt cougars at St. Regis’ Lobby Lounge is Thursday night.  That’s when they have a DJ spinning all the hits and the acrylic-clawed hotties bring their botoxed bods out to cut a rug.  Hell, spring for a room at the hotel and you could potentially have coitus with a cougar that night.  Rrrrrraaarr!

3.  Newport Landing Restaurant and Oyster Bar.  Located in Newport Beach.  Yeah!  Oyster bar.  Can you say aphrodisiac?  Who knew Cougars love Oysters?  Well…Oysters and $1 taco nights from 7-9pm!  According to “John” at Newport Landing, weekend daytime is the best time to hunt cougars at his establishment.  He claimed to be the reason that so many cougars come to his bar, but he also said that it could be the fact that the bar overlooks the harbor, they serve amazing food, and of course Oysters on the half shell can get anyone’s libido revved up. “John” also said that he’s sometimes surprised at how easy it is to hunt cougars at his location so, you should definitely give it a shot.

You can now vote for Jack’s Cougar Madness.


One Comment

  1. Joseph says:

    A real Cougar is slow and cautious about her prey. Tempting her prey with slow seduction and just enough slithering to entice the 7 car, 3 home pharmacist to caugh up her property tax payment and nice monthly cash envelope to frolic at the mall.

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