Cougar 101

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cougar Cougar 101

Cougars!  What would we do without these wonderful specimens?  I personally wouldn’t know the ways of a woman without the Cougars I’ve come across in my travels.  Cougars show us boys how to be wise and experienced men.  Who are these women?  Where do they hide?  HOW DO I GET ATTACKED?! 

Fear not, here are some answers.

1. Most Are Barflys:  Cougars love bars, but you won’t find them at trendy Hollywood bars like Hyde, Social, etc.  Cougars thrive on dive bars.  These bars are blasting tunes most notably from the 1980s - favorites include [lastfm]Foreigner[/lastfm], [lastfm]Whitesnake[/lastfm], and [lastfm]Poison[/lastfm].   Hair metal was big when they were growing up and the more you know about this music the more successful you’ll be when being hunted.

2.  They Like Easy Prey:  There are no games when being hunted by a Cougar.  They are very straightforward with their approach so the more you look the part the easier the hunt is.  I recommend wearing clothes that make you stand out.  Maybe you have your high school letterman jacket collecting dust in the closet, wear it!  Backwards ball caps help too and remember to shave that Tom Selleck moustache you’ve been sporting around town.  Facial hair is a big no-no.  Remember, the less experienced you look the better.  Think McLovin.

3.  THEY are the teacher, YOU are the student:  The Most important part of trying to become the prey of a Cougar is to let them do the hunting.  This is not your ordinary 23-year-old philosophy major so you can’t impress them with your knowledge of existentialism in modern culture.  In fact, the less you talk the better your advantage is.

So follow these steps and you’ll be the prey of a hot Cougar in no time.  And don’t forget to vote in Jack’s Cougar Madness.  Who knows, maybe the Cougar you’re voting for might be your next predator…

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