The Life of a Brostitue: In Depth
It is one of man’s last plagues on Earth: Brostitution. Having successfully solved every other major issue like natural disasters and all forms of prejudice, I think it is time that we address what should have been tackled centuries ago. And I’m not the only one that is hoping that the wool will be ripped from society’s eyes. A revealing and compelling documentary about the underground world of Brostitution is in the works. We have gained access to the trailer, and it is our civic duty to share it with the world.
View the trailer, and see the light, after the jump. Bro.
For those of you that have been fortunate enough to stay inside your bubble of safety and security, an explanation may be necessary. Let’s start from the beginning, when the world of bros was pure and untainted. Let us go back to the great philosopher, Aristotle:
It is those who desire the good of their friends for the friends’ sake that are most truly friends, because each loves the other for what he is, and not for any incidental quality.
This is a direct quote from Aristotle himself on the definition of “friendship” – Scholars, however, know that what this O.B. (Original Bro/Broriginator) was truly describing was not mere friendship but “bromance“. During Aristotle’s time (which was a long freakin’ time ago, to be exact), it was dangerous to utter the word “bromance” because women still had all of the real power and could threaten to stop cooking food for men, therefore killing them semi-instantly.
Women did not like to hear that their husbands, boyfriends, and lovers were spending less time with them in order to convene with other men. So, the bro-to-bro relationship remained illicit and neglected. Until recently.
In the 1990’s, Dave Carnie, a skateboard magazine editor, and legend in the bro world (if you’ve studied your brostory), made the one move Aristotle could not originally make that long freakin’ time ago: He put the word “bromance” on paper. This was the first time the term had been used in public. Because of his bravery, and the eventual wearing down of the restraints of the woman*, bros everywhere were free to live bromantically without fear of repercussion (or semi-instant death).
Urban Dictionary, a highly respectable source of knowledge and power, unabashedly displays David Carnie’s definition of bromance as the complicated love and affection shared by two straight males. Nailed it.
Though everything about bromance seems light and gay (no homo), there is a darker side to this beautiful and natural bond. In the last few years, men have been forced to sell themselves on the streets. This act is known as “brostitution” in the real world.
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I hope that this documentary will help people to finally see what a degrading a demoralizing thing brostitution is and that someone, maybe our government perhaps??, will step in and make some kind of legislation (or whatever) to help our bros out.
It makes me so sad to think about what these bros have to put themselves through to make enough money to eat (BBQ ain’t cheap), drink, and basically function (Lacoste and the Thrift Store don’t Always have sales going on). Please, if you know anyone that has taken to brostitution, intervene. Let them know that they are so much better than that, and maybe one day we can go back to a happy, simpler world of pure bromance.
Here is the trailer for Brostitute starring Tim Roth:
* Special thanks to Bobby Flay for making cooking manly.