Roseanne Barr for President—Literally! Maybe
This beautiful vessel before your eyes is Roseanne Barr in 1989′s She-Devil. But don’t let her good looks fool you. Beautiful she may be, but she’s also smart! So smart, as a matter of fact, that she decided to run for President of the United States of America. Who said you can’t be smart and beautiful?!
Below we have the video of Roseanne‘s presidential campaign announcement she posted on her website, which also features the text from her speech. She is also running for Prime Minister of Israel.
To be honest, you may not want to watch the whole video, as her voice is on par with Fran Drescher and Rosie Perez, so we included excerpts from her speech to spare your ears from torture and your mind from nightmares.
During the beginning of her speech she said:
I’m here today to announce that after a lifetime in TV and show business, and even tougher, raising five children and five grandsons, I have, thanks to much prayer and meditation decided to pursue a less stressful future. I, Roseanne Barr am simply going to fix everything…
Sadly the current leaders of the world–99% of them male, are selfish idiots, moral cowards, greedy incompetents and sexual degenerates who cannot keep their penises in their pants at all, ever, for any reason. In order to save future generations of males, as well as females and animal and plant life forms, I today (mother’s day) declare Patriarchal Politics obsolete, and I call forth Divine Matriarchy, the only thing that can save this sad planet at this late and dying date.
Patriarchy is impotent, and qualitatively unable to solve even the simplest problems in the Cosmos, such as picking up its own socks, or placing a carton of milk back in the refrigerator after drinking directly out of it.
Oh, Roseanne, who wouldn’t want your wisdom to guide as through the darkness that haunt our troubled times? We promise to vote for you so long as you use the below photo of you spreading your legs in lingerie as your campaign posters. Pretty please with a cherry on top!