Dr. Cranfill’s NFL Investment Strategies Week 2
How did Dr. Cranfill do with picking against the spreads in Week 1? What does Cranfill think is in store for Week 2? And more importantly, what is the over/under on number of beers Cranfill plans to down at JACK’s 5th Show? All questions answered here…
Write this address down…
c/o New Orleans Saints; 5800 Airline Drive; Metairie, LA 70003
That is the address you should use when sending hate mail to New Orleans Saints kicker Garrett Hartley whose 2 missed field goals last week cost me a perfect 4-0 start to the season.
If you are thinking, “Hey wait a minute, didn’t you say take the Raiders to cover and then they went out and lost by 20 something?” I also said something about enabling pathological delusions in that post so I hope your reading comprehension is up to snuff. Never, ever, bet on the Raiders to do anything other than fail.
So I stand at 3-1 after Week 1. Green Bay covered, Kansas City hit the money line, the Raiders failed and the 1 loss is all Garrett Hartley’s fault.
On to Week 2….
Green Bay Packers vs Buffalo Bills (-13)
13!!!! Holy Jeebus do the Bills suck. Here is a small list of things I think suck…Jennifer Lopez, hiccups, the economy, the Goo-Goo Dolls, turkey bacon, the 405, and Prius drivers. But sh!ttier than all of those bastions of suck, are the Buffalo Bills. Take the Packers and thank Jeebus you aren’t a Bills fan.
Baltimore Ravens vs Cincinnati Bengals (+1½)
The Ravens are named in honor of American poet Edgar Allen Poe, and more specifically his famous work, The Raven. The Bengals are known for their palaverous chant of WHO DEY!!! Whatever the cluck that means. Literary advantage Baltimore. Football advantage Ravens.
Oakland Raiders vs St. Louis Rams (-4)
Jigga what? The Raiders are actually FAVORED in a game? Point of note.. Since 2003 the Rams are a combined 38-61 while the Raiders are 25-72, the worst two records for any NFL teams in that time frame. Something else they both have in common, both of these teams deserted our fair city of Los Angeles so if you ask me, they deserve it. Both of these Benedict Arnolds deserve to lose this game so if you ask me, bet the impossible and bet for a tie.
Jacksonville Jaguars vs San Diego Chargers (-8)
If you are going to bet on this game, I give you this piece of advice. IF the Chargers come out in their home opener wearing their powder blue uniforms, take the Chargers to cover. If they are wearing anything else, take the Jags to cover. It sounds stupid but fashion matters.
So there you go. Your Week 2 NFL Investment Strategies and remember, it’s not gambling if it’s a sure thing.
Oh yeah, my bewildered AA sponsor has set the over/under on beers I will drink at JACK’s 5th Show this Saturday at 15.
CRANFILL NFL SEASON TOTE BOARD– 3-1