This was the most peaceful moment of Jack’s 5th show; the air smelled like funnel cake, the promo babes in white hot pants hadn’t been manhandled and were still crisp with starch, the staff was revved up on sugary energy drinks and the concert go-ers were slowly trickling onto the grounds. And then 80s-revival/nerdcore group, [lastfm]The Spazmatics[/lastfm], threw on their headgear, suspenders, and bow ties and made women gyrate their hips in ways that we never imagined possible.While The Spazmatics were only an opening act to get the audience pumped for the main stage attractions, the members of the band (especially the lead singer) had enough badass mojo in their pocket protectors to rock until the sun came up the next morning. The Spazmatics may just be a cover band, but they are not just a cover band; they are musical monsters in and of themselves. Except the dork version. Hot.
Their set was a perfectly choreographed spectacle of silly jokes, synchronized dance moves, and superbly acted nerd characterizations. While they performed songs by artists like [lastfm]Joan Jett[/lastfm], [lastfm]Beastie Boys[/lastfm], and [lastfm]Billy Idol[/lastfm], we saw the gamut of 80s robot-dance moves we had hoped twenty years of drinking would have made us forget. Not one to geek out and get his tighty-whiteys in a bunch, the lead singer flirted with every single hot girl who walked up to the stage and made emo teens skip around fervently as if they didn’t have a shrine to [lastfm]The Smiths[/lastfm] in their bathroom.
Sadly, it was over before it began. But then, it was not.
The Spazmatics dudes came out donning pink leopard print tights with bedazzled codpieces, neon colored mullet wigs, sunglasses, and zebra print guitars. These nerds had grown up and become [lastfm]Metal Shop[/lastfm].
This is when all the bros rushed over, their manly hearts pitter-patting at the promise of their metal favorites. Despite the fact that this wasn’t even a headlining band, one tiny man refused to pace himself, pounded beers and threw up devil horns throughout the show. That is how awesome Metal Shop’s metal covers made him feel. At one point the lead singer quipped, “Don’t get too close to the stage, ladies. You might get pregnant from this guitar solo.”
But we think they got it all wrong. This tiny man was the pregnant one. Pregnant with the spawn of metal mayhem.
And that, our dear Jack friends, is how you get a party started.