Getty Images // David Paul Morris

WOOO HOOOO!!!!!! FINALLY!!!! The Mc Rib has come back….to the menu. That’s right..this amorphously shaped BBQ pork slathered golem is making a comeback at McDonalds nationwide….

Getty Images // David Paul Morris

Jesus. Look at that glorious sonofabitch. For real. It’s true. After a 16 YEAR, (16 YEAR!!!!) hiatus, the McRib returns like the prodigal sandwich today to all 14,000 nationwide McDonalds restaurants.

The question is….WHAT THE CLUCK TOOK YOU SO LONG McDonalds? Why deny us the crack we are all so obviously addicted to? It’s just cruel.

ESPECIALLY when McDonalds insists on keeping granola-hippie fare on the menu…

Fri-To’s on a salad? McDonalds calls ittheir Southwestern Chicken Salad. I call it an abomination standing in the way of McRib progress. When I go to McDonalds, I want to be embarrassed at what I just willingly ate. Not some Frito-Corn Chip covered LIE.

I would give thanks to McDonalds for reuniting the black hole of hell that is my digestive system with the bright binary star that is the McRib but as most crackheads do,  I will just take my 5 grams of heaven and shuffle away mumbling incoherently about the days when I actually had control over my life.

Oh NOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM…….