Ozzy Osbourne’s Secret Immortality? Neanderthal Genes Of Course!
It’s true. Everyone’s favorite rocker/reality star/immortal is recently being checked over by scientists as they map his special genetic structure. Why? It seems that Ozzy’s genome sequence is rare; he is inherently more likely to experience hallucinations when using marijuana than the average person, while he also has an increased risk of cocaine addiction and alcohol dependency.
While we could just dismiss all that due to the fact that he sold his soul to the devil, scientists are more inclined to believe that this phenomenon is in part due to Ozzy’s lineage. His NEANDERTHAL lineage.
According to Knome scientists Nathaniel Pearson, “Ozzy carries several hundred thousand variants that have never been seen by scientists. It’s going to be a while before we get enough data as a society to understand those variants. Many of the variants in his genome are about how the brain processes dopamine.
“For a long time we thought that Neanderthals didn’t have any descendents today, but it turns out that Asians and Europeans have some evidence of Neanderthal lineage – like a drop in the bucket. We found a little segment on Ozzy‘s chromosome 10 that very likely traces back to a Neanderthal forebear.”
We knew it! Demonic expression? Spitting fireballs? Appearing on reality TV? It only makes sense that these horrific episodes are thanks in part to Ozzy’s ancestry. At least now he can justify biting the head off of that bat.