Canadians Don’t Understand Football

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cfl Canadians Dont Understand Football

Getty Images // Harry How

Hey Brother,

Canada, what’s up! Long time no talk. How are things?

Listen, there’s something we wanted to talk to you “aboot”. We think you’re great and all with your elk and your syrup and your… uh… William Shatner contribution. Football, however, may not be your strongest sort. Can we have that back?

Not that you guys aren’t any good! It’s just that… well… Football is a sport designed to intimidate and destroy, two words you kicked “oot” of your vocab back during our high school years together. You may be North of us, but no one would say you’re “looming”. That’s what we love about you, the fact that you embrace your heritage with hugs and smiles.

We’re not saying that your country lives without bullies. That’d be ridiculous. But it seems that whenever you guys discover a bully, you send them to the CFL, and sometimes it’s just ugly.

Oh wait, the CFL plays by different rules? Oooooooh. Our bad.

Sincerely,

USA. USA. USA. USA. USA.

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