USA Loses World Cup Bid to a Keytar, Qatar?
Man that is a one fine piece of artwork….. In case you haven’t heard, the US led contingent of Bill Clinton and Morgan Freeman lost out on the World Cup 2020 bid today to…..Qatar? What the f…
Keytar. A Middle Eastern Nation of a little less than 1.7 million people. Known for…..well, nothing really until today when it bested the behemoth in the west to be awarded the 2020 FIFA World Cup Soccer Tournament.
Let’s see what Keytar has to offer compared to the United States…
As Keytar is a Muslim country still abiding by Sharia Law, women will not be allowed to attend the World Cup unless accompanied by a family member. Which is nice because I know I get tired of explaining sports to women too.
Keytar is also an extreme desert climate so daily temperatures there in the summer regularly exceed 100F and with the rate of global warming, by the summer of 2020, you can bet they will hover somewhere around 3 to 450 degrees Fahrenheit. Awesome.
But wait!!! Back to that Sharia Law funness. According to Keytar’s version, you are not allowed to be seen in public drinking alcohol or being drunk. Riiiiiight. So lemme get this straight. The worlds most popular sport, soccer, has a world tournament/party once every four years and you decide to have it in a place that doesn’t allow alcohol consumption? Grrreat. Somebody is going to get their head chopped off for double-fisting a couple Budweisers. That’s how you celebrate the love and passion of the worlds sport, a good beheading.
I can see why people are bitter over this choice of Keytar over the US and Australia. People are so incensed that I ran across this edit on Qatar’s Wikipedia page today…(which I am sure will be taken down before long)
“In a display of the stinking corruption which pervades both Qatar and FIFA, the nation was chosen to host the World Cup, despite no real credentials nor any footballing culture to justify the decision.”
And that’s pretty much what happened. Qatar straight up bought and paid for the World Cup. Bribed the FIFA Cup Committee plain and simple. Just when this past years World Cup ACTUALLY caught the average American sports fans interest. Good work FIFA. Good message to the kids.
Hard work? Dedication? Progress? None of that means sh!t when the other guy has bribery cash. Strippers are already well aware of this economic function, it’s just too bad American soccer fans had to be reminded of that the hard way.