Yes. Fred, Hank, Homer and Gepetto all did stellar work as a parent. Question is, who will win the title of #1 Cartoon Dad of All Time and take home the Aqua Velva and paisley tie? Let’s find out….
10) George Jetson
Seems like George had this look on his face in just about every single episode of the Jetsons. No small wonder either seeing as he had not only a wife to nag him incessantly but also a very lippy cleaning robot. Add in his hooker of a daughter in training, his lazy ass son, a dog with a speech impediment AND the fact that Skypad Apartments in Orbit City weren’t rent controlled units and it’s no small wonder George Jetson passed away from an embolism at the age of 42. How very sad.
9) Papa Smurf
Papa Smurf. The ultimate cartoon father figure. While there were never any direct references OR DNA tests that said Papa Smurf was the biological father to any of the Smurfs in Smurfdom, he raised them like they were his own. It takes a real man and a REAL father to step up the plate like that. PLUS, he had that nosy ass jerk from Child Protective Services always trying to take the Smurfs away from him and for that, he damn sure belongs in this countdown.
8) Cotton Hill
Never you mind that John McCain is Cotton Hills’ doppelgänger. Cotton Hill was the embodiment of an old school dad. Brash. Overbearing. Racist. If you think Hank Hill should be in this countdown instead of Cotton Hill I say this to you. Would Cotton Hill have put up with the incessant verbal diarrhea spewing forth from the mouth of one Peggy Hill? Hells naw. Cotton woulda put 5 cross her lip and I would’ve been able to watch more than 5 minutes of that show.
7) Bruce Jenner
Getty Images/Alberto Rodriguez
If you are experiencing any cognitive dissonance as to why Bruce Jenner is in the Top 10 Cartoon Dads of All Time ask yourself…..self, is there anything more cartoonish than his face and his entire family? Yeah. Didn’t think so. I do feel bad about putting him ahead of Papa Smurf but I am entirely too lazy to re-arrange this post at this point.
How could Mufasa NOT be in this countdown? Not only did he lay down his life for Simba, HE ALSO RETURNED FROM THE DEAD, just like Bill Cosby did in Ghost Dad, to offer guidance and support to his progeny from beyond the grave. Now if only Michael Lohan would follow Mufasa’s lead.
5) Peter Griffin
Oh Peter Griffin. What we can all learn from you and your parenting prowess. Let’s say for instance, you hear an intruder in your house. What does Peter do to protect his family?
4) Fred Flintstone
You may look at that picture and think, “wow, that Fred Flintstone is lazy.” And to that I say….
“Mind your own business you judgemental jerkhole, he just got off a full shift of breaking rocks all day at the quarry and a man deserves some R&R after the 9 to 5 grind. Plus, there’s no damn engine in his car, he uses his feet. Imagine powering your stupid little Prius using only your feet to and from work everyday down the 405. Yeah. You didn’t think of that, did ya? Ass. “
Fred Flintstone assuredly deserves to be on this list.
3) Randy Marsh
Where to even begin describing how awesome Randy Marsh is? Hare Club for Men? Night of the Living Homeless? All About the Mormons? Two Guys Naked in a Hot Tub? And then, there was that one time Randy went on Wheel of Fortune.
2) Homer Simpson
Heresy!!!! BLASPHEMES!!! TREASON!!!! Homer Simpson at #2? Oh yes. Just because you are the greatest cartoon character of all time doesn’t necessarily mean you are the greatest cartoon dad of all time. Homer Simpson is a god. No arguing that. But he is the #2 dad to this man…
1) NED FLANDERS
And I don’t wanna hear any guff over this choice either. Ned Flanders was the consummate father. To Rod, Todd, Bart, Lisa, Maggie and hell, even Homer. I spit on the patience of Job and would tell him to observe Ned “Okeley Dokeley” Flanders in action. This man was a saint. Sure all that pent-up frustration will sooner or later lead to a murderous rampage but for now, Ned Flanders is undoubtedly the greatest cartoon dad of all time.
Fathers the world over could learn from the litany of virtues Ned Flanders possesses. But alas, he is a cartoon and our fathers are real people. With real flaws, real personalities and real lives and we would do well to remember that this Fathers Day. Like Chris Rock once said….
“Think about everything that the real daddy does……. Everything you could ever ask for, make your world a better, safer place and what does Daddy get for all his work? The big piece of chicken.”
Happy Fathers Day to all the real daddies out there, including my own…
Happy Fathers Day pops, hope it’s a good one to ya. Thanks for everything.