[JACKed Up News] In This Tough Economy, Even Tooth Fairy Makes Cutbacks
“A recent survey found that the national going rate [for a lost tooth] has seen a 40-cent decline this year: From $3 to $2.60.”
That’s funny. Two dollars and sixty cents is how much we thought we were owed for sitting through last year’s Tooth Fairy documentary. Seriously, who green-lit that one?
Back when we were in elementary school, we were notorious for playing what we want on the playground. Somebody wanted their turn in the sandbox, but we were clearly in the middle of playing Dark Side of the Moon. Everybody knows you can’t just stop playing Dark Side in the middle! There was a scuffle and punches were thrown. We knocked the bully’s front tooth out. He swung back and knocked our molar loose. Neither of us said a word, we just stared down into that yellow-gold sand now strewn with the freckles of our blood. We picked up our teeth and walked away.
The next day, we met in the sandbox at noon. We bowed. Shook hands. Swung, punched, connected. Fell. Picked up. Shook hands.
By the time Summer Vacation started, we had lost half of our teeth. But at least we could afford that first switchboard, and guess what we did with that.
Get with the program Tooth Fairy. There will always be teeth and there will always be things we need to buy with your blood money. Don’t cheap out this generation because the old one f@*ked up the economy.