BREAKING NEWS: Wild Bears Loose in Glendale!!!!!!

barbarasax BREAKING NEWS: Wild Bears Loose in Glendale!!!!!!
Getty Images/Barbara Sax
We promise this isn’t like the time we told you a couple of tigers were loose in Alhambra, this is real. According to the LA Times, there have been some wild bear sightings in Glendale as recently as this past Friday morning….

After yet another bear sighting in a residential area Glendale officials are encouraging citizens to keep an extra eye on their pets and trash bins as bear sightings have been on the rise in recent weeks.

Friday mornings’ Glendale bear sighting was at the foot of the Verdugo Mountains at Honolulu Ave near the 210. This bear sighting comes on the heels of another in LaCanada Flintridge in May where a bear ALLEGEDLY ate four chickens housed in someones backyard.

So in the interest of starting a panic, it looks like we’ve got a full on bear invasion on our hands and JACK FM wants to do our part to keep you all prepared for a potential BEARMAGEDDON. Here is your 5-point survival guide….

1) Bears are stupid. What they make up for in brute strength and ferocity, they are seriously lacking in the mental capacity department. Should you run across a bear, play dead as seen in the pictorial below…..
bear attack6 BREAKING NEWS: Wild Bears Loose in Glendale!!!!!!

2) Bears do not like  jokes. Every thing Yogi bear taught you about bears needs to be forgotten. Bears have no sense of humor, mainly due to their mental inefficiencies, and it is ill-advised to try out any of the following: knock-knock jokes, stand up routines, or practical jokes as they will probably get you killed. And you’d deserve it.
funny penguin wakes polar bear funny picyures BREAKING NEWS: Wild Bears Loose in Glendale!!!!!!

3) Some bears have a strong attraction to small children. If you have kids, you should be aware there is a certain specie of bear that is preternaturally attracted to small children and will seek them out, and them only. Please be advised.
pedo bear BREAKING NEWS: Wild Bears Loose in Glendale!!!!!!

4) Bears do not make good pets/work animals. While having a bear to ride, or a bear to plow your poppy field, or even having your very own bear calvary all sound pretty bad ass…none of them are ever going to happen without dire consequences. The picture below is pure fantasy and you’d do well to remember that.
bear cavalry BREAKING NEWS: Wild Bears Loose in Glendale!!!!!!

and lastly and most importantly….

5) BEARS KNOW KARATE.
It’s true as the video below will show. DO NOT ENGAGE BEARS IN KARATE COMPETITION. The man sparring with the bear in this video is a trained professional. DO NOT ATTEMPT but do note, the bear fell for the “Hey look an eagle!!” thing, reinforcing point #1 which was bears are stupid. Use your brain and you just may survive the impending BEARMAGEDDON.

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