Photo Credit/Jerky Altman
Man that picture is creepy. (shudder) So? How’d Cranfill do in Week 2 of the NFL Season? Winner winner chicken dinner or is it Ramen Noodles time in the Cranfill compound? Let’s find out and see what sayeth he for Week 3….
Ugh. This is why it’s called gambling people. Last week out of the 4 games I picked against the spreads on I ended up a disgustipated 1-3. Last second touchdowns by the Panthers, (:15 seconds left) and the Bills, (:03 seconds left) took me from 3-1 to 1-3.
And because of that, the personal appearance I did yesterday at the Home Depot in Monrovia, I did pretty much for free. Thanks a lot Carolina and Buffalo. Let’s see if I can’t bounce back in a big way this week….for you and me.
Cleveland Browns (-2½) vs Miami Dolphins
You can pretty much call this the Battle of Who Could Care Less. I would almost honestly rather watch a WNBA game than this…..Ok, that may be pushing it a bit. Yes, at first glance this looks like a clunker but Cleveland is only a 2½ point favorite at home against the Dolphins? The Dolphins, whose mascot, if Ace Ventura:Pet Detective is to be believed,
is named Snowflake? The Dolphins, whose colors are turquoise and orange? The Dolphins, whose greatest player went on to model Isotoner gloves? The Dolphins are, and always have been a soft team playing a hard game. In the words of my mentor Ghostface Killah from the Wu-Tang Clan (AKA-Tony Starks, AKA-Ghostdini)..”dem cats is soft as baby thighs son“…Listen to Ghost, listen to me, take Cleveland to win and cover at home.
Indianapolis Colts vs Pittsburgh Steelers (39½)
Former JACK FM programming guru Chris Ebbott, my former boss, once tried to tell me Peyton Manning was the greatest quarterback of all time. I should’ve just punched him in the face, but instead I just replied with THIS. None of that matters for this game since Peyton Manning is dead now. But that over/under number of 39½ seems a little high to me. Steelers are a grinding team and the Colts have ol’ grey beard as their QB now. I say, take the under.
San Diego Chargers (-15) vs Kansas City Chiefs
When a point spread matches my shoe size, you KNOW it’s impressive. The Chargers are a 15 point favorite at home and with good reason. The Kansas City Chiefs suck more than getting drunk aggressive hiccups. This game could end up being a bigger debacle than Tara Reids’ boob job and THAT’S saying something. But this is a division game and the Chargers have been known to be schizophrenic at best so…if you HAVE to gamble here, still take the Chargers. There’s no fixing the Tara Reids’ boobs or the Chiefs. And Andrew Luck? Feel free to start scouting the real estate in Kansas City.
Oakland Raiders (+3) vs New York Jets
I shoulda known better to take a west coast team playing on the east coast last week when I said take the Raiders over the Bills. Sorry. I’m rusty and forgot a cardinal rule of NFL betting. That being said, the Raiders are a 3 point dog at home against Bart Scott and Co. The Raiders are a rough and in-your-face team. Bullies if you will. The thing about bullies is once they get embarrassed (see giving up 35 second half points to the Bills last week), they tend to back off. And that’s what I expect the Raiders to do this week against the Jets. Take the Jets to cover and remember kids, bullying is simply a product of a weak mind. You’re not weak-minded are you?
So hopefully these picks will make up for last weeks near-misses but then again, if you woulda stayed with me all of last season, you could’ve started with $20 measly bucks and ended the season with over $5,000 at the very least.
Problems gambling? Call 1-800-GAMBLER.