The 2012 GOP Candidates Get The Bad Lip Reading Treatment [VIDEO]

“Big Potato Moths!” “Be sure the pizza has an old fly in it.” “That hobo kept screaming…” ”Tuna, eggs, Doritos, cheesecake.”

Man, lip-reading is hard.

Herman Cain

[transcript]

Before mighty Facebook how would I have found Tom Hanks. Yes, I’m rolling in it. I could probably freak on you. It’s just crazy, you know. We ain’t never had this, an old riding eagles nest, nachos and hogwash. This is my juice and I’m hungry. McDonald’s special! Gimme a large plate. Then I’ll sing, sing sing about it. I’ma leave a dime for you to eat at White Castle. Pouty people and whiney people, friends shut your @$$ up or I’m going back to sleep!

I said, baby your breath is killing me.

You know, nobody will take you if you don’t stop stinkin’.

Did you hear me? I’m frustrated. Watch out for these spiders. Big potato moths. Big potato moths. Achoo! That’s five! Mexican people don’t eat sugar, especially when it’s a mixture of lice and tiger DNA. Ricky? Cowboys and anthrax. It’s like needles come through grapes now and I refuse to eat 2000 beans to build trust in these crazy cyborgs. I’m gonna dance, make love, and fix snack for the Highlander marathon! That’s right! If you like, let’s watch Disney. It’s like a time-void, and will probably result in you thinking you’re an angel.

Look at me, anybody shoot rabbits? Last night, my son got the TV, and now he’s saying if I don’t buy pretty Asian barbies off Ava, he’ll wash the dishes. Shake me all night long. Said my cool kitty Ron, “that makes you a hustler.” Four hours and two weeks, nothing! Anyway, like I always said – can’t police no underwear. All you can do is give that woodchuck a tuna melt, a romantic shoes, or a metal skull crusher. It’s crazy.

Throw out the good guys coal, and then pack staples, and a few big apples like Mr. Drysdale, diaper clippers – it’s emergency some days – and cable cutters and sunshine. It’s the most important part. Half of me swollen two days, I had to fire a man. He was flippin’. He was probably suffering. Maximus holds the patent on rice cream, and you have to go make it. It’s good. It’s a big rat with little ears and warts. And it’s supposed to know what time it is now.

Hehe, my phone’s broken.

Alright. Let’s go parachuting on Tuesday. Here in an inky fountain, we’re having a great time! Clearly there’s a bad rabbit in this block, and it’s got my pink clown enemies. I’m gonna teach you an expression – I quit. Women have a special feeling though. They got an extra fatal lady shimmer of no maximum strength. You could be sick pooping out blood, and you’;d still want them. Happy hoops day. I’m a nice guy, that’s why she said that – breathe on! Biscuits ain’t for jam! Tge people who buy coke and macaroni salad – let’s feed ’em Orange Thread. Oh yeah, I got swag. Because everybody needs toucan stubs.

[end transcript]

Mitt Romney’s flub

mitt romney The 2012 GOP Candidates Get The Bad Lip Reading Treatment [VIDEO]

Chip Somodevilla / Getty Images

Mitt Romney

[transcript]

I was happy, and then your sister threw a sea fish at my TV.

Hey, how are you? Ah, cookies! Can I take one? Hey thank you for the bench! Don’t commit suicide.

I will force spiders and badgers on the enemy. And get them all to shut up. If Madonna married a real giant, that would be good! Mmmm, at least I think it would. Mmmm, wait – no it wouldn’t because… nevermind. Heheh, happy step-child! I told you to check it out. Oh hey, this is for the cow.

In America, we have a song:

“Ding dong llama wannie,
Jump in with an ice pick
She thinks I’m going in!”

Save your herd.

Did the princess seize my buddies boat? Aye Captain! I’m very good company. Hahaha! Be sure the pizza has an old fly in it. I didn’t spend money on robotic things, I spent money on video games. We’d play pole position, it’d go beep, we’d go fast around the track… man it was a good game! ’Cuz if Madonna had a wooden statue, she’d just gobble up that sardine. We got Winona Ryder out there pissing off people with a guitar. They’re a buncha punks! Now you got me whispering to a freak who thinks fish had menstrual cycles.

I’m freezing out here! Gotta get away. Hey! Amy left your party, and I’m leaving at three to pick apples. Are you a math dork?  Had pork chops and beans, put them in the freezer and they rotted after a month. Your momma’s pudgy. Face it. I said, “Son, I don’t wanna hear you say bad about your momma.” And then he said, “F*** prison, I’m a party rapper. That’s how I am.”

Boy those rappers and their beautiful Mexicans – I gotta keep my mind free! Your momma can eat me! Centurions from East Asia, near Mumbai, got my cooler. And they took my spider jars into prison. And I said, I’m gonna let you do this.“ Let’s just go out and shop and grease a big nickel! I’m a gremlin. I’m leaving the party, and I want everyone to stuff the ice chest.

[end transcript]

Michelle Bachmann’s mix up

michelle bachmann 3 The 2012 GOP Candidates Get The Bad Lip Reading Treatment [VIDEO]

Kevork Djansezian / Getty Images

Michelle Bachmann

[transcript]

We’d been camping for two night and six mornings in Oahu, downing Bacardi. And where I’m from, Mama get’s a-what-what – you know I represent.

I whisked like, two or three eggs, and then I changed my Facebook pic to boring seagulls. And the police have agreed to find my Stooges tape! I hope you don’t come shoot at me.

Well I’m not leering from a sporty, Chevy hybrid. With one cock-eyed board, I’m gonna cure everybody who’s nauseous. And my sister talks to Bigfoot, who’s her neighbor!

Three’s Company had two dumb girls. Janet was so mean, and so good, you know. Have you really met only real folks? If I had assault you, your arm wouldn’t defend you. It’s better to not do it. And when I buy stickers for folks in prison, I bring milk, not backyard meth. It’s a prison party!

The Sugar Fountain fairy swore so hard when she came to supersize that stale, hope soybean. Like a homeless German woman. Who is this supersizing, spirit crushing fem? And tell her I’ll break a tree-root up in her shrimp.

There, just face it. Men judge us. But get a tattoo for only when they see your bum, or where no one gets stuffed, like that Jennifer Lohan! I went from being two banana plants up to a thrill-seeking shark who sold pictures of different toys I wanted.

Of course there is no way in time for all of to party, Tuna Face. I get to birthday fight all my birthday and Journey freak friends, ‘cuz you know me – if you’re in danger and odd-sized, count on me.

The Hispanic Piranha Prom had one Jew person. That hobo kept screaming, “Save a boar! I wanna see it! Do your raps. Come on, do it Silly Lady! Do that whole Fiesta food dance.” Jackpot fishy poopy pants, you’re gonna wish you could buy me a tin cup for all these nickels.

I’ll get you.

[end transcript]

Rick Perry’s relapse

rick perry The 2012 GOP Candidates Get The Bad Lip Reading Treatment [VIDEO]

Steve Pope / Getty Images

Rick Perry

[transcript]

Ice cream, that is cheap. Fact. And then I suspended Marcia off this bridge and took a virgin heffer night-riding for a while. We never got a dead spirit, we hated it though. It’s disgusting.

Someone had a grade-A lungfish decorate their home for a married fools function. Tuna, eggs, Doritos, cheesecake, tamale. See ya. Wash that smile off.

Now I’m gonna tell you something. Now sit down. What’s good, is to get these goats for our computer industry. Yeah. Now what I want you to do is build me a small doghouse. I’m bored by famine. I cannot wait for Medieval Cookie, a Cinnibum, hot yellow Kool-Aid, and save a pretzel for the gas jets! Thank you. I wrote that.

Some do the Olympics, and some defy the Titans. Ice cream.

I had this girl who was too ugly to ride, and we were bitter. This princess in a mustache, one-size-fits-all, everybody hook-up… babe. You can borrow my CD’s. Not one every day. You can try my Kwanzaa CD’s. They’re not yours, and you don’t have to take any of them.

[end transcript]

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