Every family has at least one creepy uncle, a crazy aunt who talks about nothing but her 15 cats, a silent Grandma who’s dying to well…. die, or a grandfather whose expectation you will never live up to. So instead of hearing a bunch of “back in my day” stories, here are 5 things to put on that brand new 50 inch plasma to make Thanksgiving a little less awkward.
Crazy Cat Hoarding Aunt?
The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade
Are you a dog person? Well, Aunt Carol makes anybody a dog person with her thousands of cat stories.
What better to put on the tube than the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade. Honestly, who can’t find anything in common with marching bands, giant flying Kermit the Frogs, massive turkeys (still in bird-form), and a preview of Santa Clause? A simple reminder that this is all happening again next month. See ya again in December, Aunt Carol. Tell Scrunchies we say hi.
Odd Cousins from Out-Of-State?
Charlie Brown Thanksgiving Day Special
It’s those odd cousins from out-of-state; Those weirdos that you’ve only met once in your life but claim to be family even though you can’t quite pinpoint how you’re related. They’re the ones who keep saying, “Remember when we babysat you? You were 2!” Who remembers anything from when they were 2?
Well, if you can’t relate on a family level, at least you all can relate to Charlie Brown and his Thanksgiving Day Special.
Lets face it, who doesn’t like Charlie Brown
Introducing the New Girlfriend?
The Wizard of Oz
This Thanksgiving, follow the yellow brick road back down memory lane. Nothing makes introducing the new girlfriend to all the relatives easier… Your great-great grandma (the one who makes the amazing stuffing) didn’t have a wrinkle to her name when this classic came out back in 1939. This magical musical is usually played every year on Thanksgiving whether its cable or DirecTV.
And it’s a quick reminder that, “There’s no place like home.” Aww.
War Stories Grandpa?
Thanksgiving day Football
Just can’t come up with anything in common to Grandpa’s Vietnam stories…? Don’t worry! Who needs conversation when you can flip on one of the three NFL football games being played this year.
Thanksgiving day games go back to 1920 making it equally enjoyable for the 100-year-old grandparents who were around when a football just consisted of pig skin. So while your digging in to your turkey and potatoes don’t forget to have that Dallas Star Football game blasting in the background to ward off any “I‘m thankful for” talk.
We’re thankful for the brand new sound system we just bought so we can hear the game from the dining table.
Green Bay @ Detroit 9:30 AM (when everyone arrives)
Miami @ Dallas 1:15 PM (when everyone sits down to eat)
San Francisco @ Baltimore 5:20 PM (when you kick everyone out)
Non-family Family Member?
Everyone has a brother from another mother, that friend who’s been sleeping on the couch since senior year of high school. Or some other totally dysfunctional-yet-loving family.
No matter what the “fam” consist of, who can’t relate to Joe Dirt? This movie has become a classic over the years, teaching us that it doesn’t matter if you don’t know your parents; It doesn’t matter if your best friends are a janitor, a dude who likes dynamite or a smoking hot cowgirl; and it definitely doesn’t matter if your blood is related.
Family is family and home is where you make it!
Not to be confused with seeing homos naked.