Photo credit- Me. I made that. All rights reserved suckas
Screw IMDB’s list. Screw Rotten Tomatoes list. And screw your list for that matter. Here are the 12 movies I MOST want to see coming up in 2012.
12) Piranha 3DD- (starring Ving Rhames, Christopher Lloyd, David Hasselhoff and a whole mess of boobies)
After watching this trailer, if you are a man that DOESN’T want to see Piranha 3DD…..I might have to seriously question your XY chromo status. Murderous man eating fish, non-stop porn star boobies and oh yeah, Ving Rhames has a shot gun for a leg. Don’t worry though ladies. Piranha 3DD has something for you too. David Hasselhoff has his shirt off for most of this movie. So there you go. Something for everyone. (TBA)
11) Snow White and the Huntsmen- (starring Charlize Theron, Kristen Damn Stewart, and Chris Hemsworth)
Yea, yea, yea the Twi-tard girl is Snow White but it doesn’t even matter. Watch this trailer and tell me you aren’t ALLLLLLLLLL about seeing Charlize Theron play the Evil Queen. Oh yeah…Ian McShane’s in this movie too. Pinkerton coc……(June 1st)
10) Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2 -(starring?)
You have got to be kidding me Cranfill. Slow your damn roll. The only reason this piece of tightly coiled isht is on the list is because this HAS to be the last one right? It’s over after this one right? Please say yes Jesus. And I guess there isn’t an official trailer out yet for part 2, I dunno…I can’t be bothered to look. (November 16th)
9) World War Z– (starring Brad Pitt, and the heavy breathing guy from Lost, Matthew Fox)
If you never read World War Z. Do yourself a favor. There’s this place called the library. Look it up on Google Maps. Go there, check out World War Z, read it. Get excited.
“A UN representative, writing a report on the great zombie war, interviews survivors in the wake of World War Z. ” (December 21st)
8) the Hobbit -(starring Martin Freeman, Ian McKellen, Cate Blanchett, and Freckles from Lost)
In all honesty? I am a total fraud for having the Hobbit on this list. I couldn’t care less about Bilbo Douchebaggins or whatever long walk he’ll be going on in this movie. BUT, a lot of you lurrrrrrve the LOTR so for once, I’ll be nice and put it in here so you can mark out to it. Enjoy. (December 14th)
7) Men in Black III (starring Will Smith, Tommy Lee Jones, Josh Brolin, Sid Veda)
Wonder if Tommy Lee Jones will zap Josh Brolin’s memory to make him forget about all that heroin and money he found in the desert so he doesn’t end up getting killed by those Mexicans at the Desert Sands Motel? Wait. Josh Brolin IS Tommy Lee Jones? Whatever. The only real reason to see this movie is Sid Veda. (May 25th)