Photo credite/Kinshasha Huff
Well here we are at Round 1 of the NFL playoffs. This season has been nothing short of an abject disaster. Much like Pompeii…or Hiroshima…..or the last two seasons of Lost. But I will make up for it with this weeks picks. That? I promise you. Unless I don’t.
Houston Texans (-3) vs Cincinnati Bengals (Sat. 10:30am PST, NBC)
Don’t mess with Texas? Pfffffft. Don’t mess with a Bengal tiger. As this guy found out. This is a game that 99% of the country couldn’t care less about and that’s a good thing for you the investor. NFL Playoff runs are all about what team is on the right trajectory coming in. Texans have lost 3 in a row and are rolling with a 3rd string QB. No bueno. Meanwhile, Jerome Simpson and the Bengals are doing front flips with the greatest of ease. Take the Bengals money line here.
New Orleans Saints (-10½) vs Detroit Lions (Saturday, 2pm, NBC)
Quite simply, I believe New Orleans is going to bang Detroit so hard it would make even Sasha Grey blush. Detroit gave up 480 yards passing last week to Green Bays’ BACKUP QB. Whatta you think Drew Brees is gonna do to them? This might get ugly and ugly fast. Take the Saints to cover and it’s even odds on if a Detroit Lions player gets ejected from this contest.
New York Giants (-3) vs Atlanta Falcons (Sunday, 10am, FOX)
The G-Men and the Dirty Birds. In the “Meadowlands”. Here’s the thing. Nothing good has EVER come from Atlanta-ians visiting the Big Apple. See John Rocker circa 2000. And honestly, since they cancelled Freaknik, Atlanta the town as a whole, has been sans magic. (All respect due to Magic City) With all of that, combined with the fact that Atlanta QB Matt Ryan has never won a playoff game while Giants QB Eli Manning has a Super Bowl ring, I’lllllll take the G-Men here.
Denver Broncos (+8) vs Pittsburgh Steelers (Sunday, 2pm, CBS)
I know Denvers offense is about as well-roundedly terrible as our countries current foreign policy but an 8 point home dog? To a banged up, injured and old Steelers team? That’s straight up disrespectful. But it’s earned disrespect. Tim Tebows’ best hope in this game is that Jesus finally stops ignoring his prayers like he’s done for the last 3 weeks and rustles up some 4th quarter water into wine magic. I think you might see a spark in the 4th but it won’t be enough. I can’t see Tebow and Co. winning but a cover I could see happening. If you’re feeling the spirit, throw the Hail Mary and take em to win. I mean, I wouldn’t but what the cluck do I know?
Oh and if you missed the Saturday Night Live sketch about Tebow that was on a few weeks back, click on THIS to check it out. Pretty damned funny.