Official Groundhog Day History According To JACK FM
Today is Groundhog’s Day. While most people consider this an important holiday, most don’t even know it’s true history.
Join us in our high-tech time machine and we’ll tell you what really happened. Here, let’s just move this Warrant album outta the way. Not even sure what it was doing there in the first place… There. Comfy? Good.
Now, let’s travel back to colonial times. 1613 to be exact.
Europe was colonizing most of North America and soon the Dutch began to lay their claim in Pennsylvania. A little rodent named Bob (who was shy and hated confrontation) burrowed down deep into the earth, like all good pacifists do.
He stayed down there while the area above him was settled upon. Years passed and as the sun rose and fell, Bob stayed down below.
“But how did he survive?!” you might be thinking to yourself. Well Bob was a groundhog, and groundhogs don’t eat food. Like his brothers and sisters before him, he got his nourishment from the earth through osmosis.
Finally, after 30 years of living underground, Bob came back up to the earth’s surface and poked his head out.
As he looked around he was startled when he saw a man staring right into his eyes. Unsure of what he was seeing, Bob quickly slipped back underground.
This puzzled the man. As weeks passed, the weather quickly grew warmer and the man began to plant his crops for the season. As he did, the man pondered whether that strange creature could have sped up the seasons.
The following year, Bob popped his head back out only to see the man standing there, waiting for him. A few minutes passed and Bob crawled back down. For the next six weeks it snowed. The man thought long and hard about this and came to a decision:
“This animal can predict weather patterns.”
From then on, every year the man would visit that hole on February 2nd, waiting for his friend to pop out and tell him what weather to expect. Such began the tradition of a man and his pet groundhog Bob, later renamed Phil because he though it sounded more magical or something.
While the story has been quite commercialized, what with crazy “shadow seeing” and the like, one fact remains: groundhogs CAN determine future weather patterns.
But they can NOT predict sports winners.