Roseanne Barr Is Running For President Of The United States Of America

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Andrew H. Walker / Getty Images

Andrew H. Walker / Getty Images

Roseanne Barr announced Friday, via Twitter that she is running for President of the United States, under the Green Party banner. Barr is convinced that she’s the perfect candidate for this extremely… powerful… position.

Greetings Earthlings! Greetings my fellow and sister Taxpayers of America, as well as any members of the Animal Kingdom who might be listening to me now...I will become the Pirate Queen, making Corporate Piracy on the High Seas a High Crime.

[pullquote quote="As all political candidates in America must do, I will refer constantly to my particular religion, which happens to be The Church of Common Sense." credit="Roseanne Barr"]

Members of the Green Party typically stand for environmentalism, free speech, and social justice. No doubt Roseanne is utilizing the media to represent these causes…

Her last project titled “Roseanne’s Nuts” documented her life on a macadamia nut and livestock farm in Hawaii. We feel that title is a double entendre…symbolic, yet oh so literal.

I’m here today to announce that after a lifetime in TV and show business, and even tougher, raising five children and five grandsons, I have, thanks to much prayer and meditation decided to pursue a less stressful future. I, Roseanne Barr am simply going to fix everything.

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Barr, along with Jill Stein, the party’s other candidate, served as active participants in the Occupy Wall Street movement.  Together, they have developed a plan to save America.

Roseanne’s Three Step Save The World Plan:

“To begin curing this world, I am officially running for President of these United States of America, as well as Prime Minister of Israel (a two-fer) on the brand new “Green Tea Party” ticket.”

My Platform is Three fold, and will result in world peace within one year.

STEP ONE: MAKE WAR ILLEGAL, AND LEGALIZE HEMP.

STEP TWO: CHANGE THE DEMOGRAPHICS OF GOVERNMENT

STEP THREE: (MOST IMPORTANT) I WILL OUTLAW BULL$#*T

View entire speech HERE. Don’t worry, it gets better.

The Green Party’s National Convention will take place in Baltimore, July 12-15th.

PoliticalTicker Twitter

Roseanne Barr Twitter

[Source: CNN]

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