Roseanne Barr’s Presidential Platform Based On Her Television History
It’s true – Roseanne Barr is seeking your vote in the upcoming presidential election. But what do we really know about the stand-up-turned-politician?
Well, this is a woman whose face has appeared on our television sets since the 80s. With that, we can easily put together a patchwork platform based on her past broadcasts.
Tell us like it is, Roseanne! You don’t need no laugh track!
The National Anthem
No, she can’t sing… but do you really want a president who spends more time in the studio than behind a desk? Besides, look at that patriotism!
Barr affiliates herself with the green party.
Not afraid of getting down and dirty
Joe Plummer? Ha! Barr gives us Janet Lumberjack. We can expect to see her touring America in a plaid shirt and some denim jeans… just like the Patriot she is.
Fair and Thorough Judge
Forget jury and executioner – did you know Roseanne was a judge?! Americans want a president who can make quick, smart decisions in or out the court of law. Just look at the way she grills Monica!
Privy to Occupy Movement
Don’t you want a president who is up-to-date on the most important events in America? Well, Barr seems to know just enough to keep her mouth shut.
Has reality show experience
Face it – if your president doesn’t appear on camera like a movie star, they ain’t got no reason to be in the Oval Office! In America, having your own reality TV show is the greatest form of courage and pride. Watching her survive the cameras, the cast, the crew, and even the scripts is enough to earn Barr the Presidential Seal of Approval on that bright green lapel of hers.