It’s not fair. Most athletes already make a crap-load of money for playing games or P.E activities. On top of that, they gotta be hot too? Where’s our meal ticket?
Well, the bright side is that we get to look at them. So we’ve got that going for us.
Which is nice.
We’ve compiled a list of athletes who should either start a second career now or start planning for their post-athletic life. Here are the arbitrary requirements to make it on the list:
- Be attractive to the eyes
5. Paul Gaustad
Yeah, a hockey player. It’s not everyday you find an attractive hockey player (read: has all his teeth), but the Sabres center is a rare gem. And, any battle scars will only add to the rugged “Man’s man” advertising campaigns he could do.
4. Kasey Kahne
A pretty decent NASCAR driver and not even 32. He is a member of the President’s Council on Service and Civic Participation and owns his own race team. Look at those piercing blue eyes and that ‘aww shucks’ face. It’d be criminal to let that jaw line go to waste.
3. Novak Djokovic
Not only is he replacing Rafael Nadal as the men’s top tennis player, he also does impressions of other players. People who make us laugh are always attractive. It’s only fitting that his nickname be “Djoker”.
2. Randy Orton
The validity of WWE wrestling aside, you gotta be in shape to be good, and this guy’s in shape. He’s 6’4″ 245lbs of tattooed muscle. And, by the looks of it, about 0% body fat. We’ll proudly take on his share of fat so he can keep looking like that.
1. Robinson Cano
The Yankee second baseman is a 7 year veteran with natural good looks. He’s already got the pouty-eyes thing down! It’s a good thing he’s in a major market, otherwise those looks would go to waste. And that would be a damn shame.