We know what we’d do if we won $1000 in JACK CASH.

Buy 800 packs of PowerThirst! Because we want to fart lighting, lift city buses, and have babies that can run like Kenyans!

If you’re not one of the 25 million people that’s watched the energy drink’s amazing infomercial, then you’re in luck. We’ve included it here for you.

Now we’ve been fans of this video for a while, so imagine our delight when we found out that PowerThirst was real?! AHHHHHH!!!

Just what we’ve always wanted: MORE ENERGY! Drink it and you’ll have so many Sticker Pimps! 400 Sticker Pimps! And they’ll have ENERGY LEGS and they’ll run marathons like KENYANS!

(If you haven’t clicked on the clip above, you probably have no idea what we’re talking about right now. You might want to go back and watch it or it’ll just get weirder.)

Seriously thought, who wouldn’t 800 packs of “menergy” drink that tastes like you added chocolate to an electrical storm?

We can’t wait to slip some of this into Dr. Cranfill’s morning Jack and coffee. He’ll be so productive!

Get more energy than your body can handle here:

BUY SOME POWERTHIRRRRRST ALREADY