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You’re a JACKA$H Winner? Don’t Be Like Mike

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TANNEN MAURY / AFP / Getty Images

TANNEN MAURY / AFP / Getty Images

Oh, Mike Tyson. You won’t get any of our JACK CASH

You were once the most feared boxer in the world. You earned more than $400 million during your career. You married Robin Givens. You were a freakin’ Nintendo game!

But your luxurious lifestyle, mansions, wild animals, entourage, shady management and ultimate divorce forced you to file for bankruptcy, with debts of $27 million. Yowzas. How did that happen???

Here is JACK’s 3 Step Program for keeping yourself out of debt.

Step 1.

For the love of God, people, if you are remotely famous, and you get married, sign a pre-nup, because you WILL get divorced. Repeat: WILL. get. divorced. You worked hard for that money by (legally) beating up a lot of people, you deserve to keep it.


Step 2.

Even if your nickname is ‘Iron’, or any other strong metal, that doesn’t make you unbreakable. Here’s a rule about how money works in order for you to stay in the black (that’s good, that means you have money): Money IN > Money OUT. For those of you non-mathletes out there: Money IN must be greater than Money OUT. You can’t spend more than you make. If you do, that’s bad. Don’t do it. So if you can’t afford that crazy house on the hills, um, maybe don’t buy it, ‘k?


Step 3.

Don’t bite people’s ears off. It’s gross, unbecoming and kinda makes people think you’re weird (which you are if you do it). It’s also a nice roadblock in your career. Any momentum you had will not only be lost but put you on the first train towards crazy town. No transfer needed.

Step 3b.

No face tattoos. Ever. Even if you’re a reformed vegan animal lover who’s revived his career by making fun of himself. Don’t.


BONUS

Phil Collins – “In The Air Tonight”

http://youtu.be/YkADj0TPrJA

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