Jack’s Muscle Madness is in full swing. You’ve already submitted your picture, but you’re not done showing off your muscles.
Where should you go? The beach, of course. The following are the seven best beaches for you to do your best Hulk Hogan impression.
7. Long Beach
Long Beach is listed more for functionality than anything else. Sure, there’s 25 miles of land on the water in Long Beach, but you’re going down to flex for the Port of Long Beach. Longeshoreman can earn anywhere from of $19.63 to $34.58 per hour for regular work and $35.08 to $50.90 per hour for overtime, according to Ian Graham of eHow. That is some SERIOUS scratch. Are any of the other beaches on this list going to pay you that much just for being buff? Probably not.
6. Seal Beach
Everyone knows the greatest threat to all humanity is… Seals. These bloodthirsty, evil, marine based mammals have been plotting for centuries on how to take to the land and wipe every last human from the face of the earth. It stands to reason that Seal Beach will be their base of operations (even though we could find no evidence that there are any seals at Seal Beach). We need to be prepared. So, take you’re roided out self down to Seal Beach show those Seals what they’re gonna be dealing with. Maybe that will convince them to put off their plans for world domination for about 17 years or so.
5. Manhattan Beach
Manhattan is as solid a beach as there is. There’s no gimmicks here (like an amusement park), just a great beach and a great pier. This could really help you to show off too, as there won’t be anything here to distract people from your awesome bod. Other than that whole “Expansive Beauty of Nature” thing, of course.
4. Newport Beach
Everything at Newport Beach is beautiful. The Sand. The Surf. The Women. You should get down there and change that.
Besides, Newport Beach was where the FOX drama “The OC” was based, and that reminds us of Mischa Barton. And she was super hot.
Won’t you go down to Newport and oil up for Mischa?
3. Dockweiler Beach
So, what’s more manly than flexing in front of FIRE? Uh, nothing. That’s why Dockweiler is number three on this list. It’s the only beach where you can have a bonfire legally. The only catch is that you have to bring your own wood.
2. San Onofre
If you’re looking to show off ALL your muscles, including your Coccygeus (look it up on Wikipedia), you’re going to want to hit up San Onofre. Why? Well, San Onofre is the closest LA/OC area beach that is CLOTHING OPTIONAL. So, you’ll be able to show off more here than anywhere else.
However, be careful. Since 2010, Park Rangers have been able to issue citations for public nudity. You can check out the full story and latest legal news at FriendsOfSanOnofre.org.
And as a bonus, you’ll get to see that giant pair of concrete boobs off the 5 on your way there.
1. Venice Beach
You can file the number one beach under the “Well, DUH!” category. Venice is home to Muscle Beach, where bodybuilders have been showing off their muscles for decades. The original Muscle Beach was in Santa Monica, but the city of Santa Monica rededicated it in 1990 to focus on gymnastics, and that’s when the bodybuilders shifted their attention to Venice. Arnold Schwarzenegger, Danny Trejo and Crips co-founder Stanley “Tookie” Williams all used to be regulars at Muscle Beach, and Hulk Hogan trained there on Baywatch, and everything on Baywatch totally happened in reality.
And as a bonus, you might spot Tillman when you’re down there-