Michael Bay is a bully.
He took our Transformers and held them hostage for years. He’s taken our Battleship board game and added so many crazy rules and side-quests that it doesn’t even make sense any more.
But when he attacks our precious Ninja Turtles, he has gone too far.
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Michael Bay’s production company Platinum Dunes has confirmed that they will indeed remake the 90’s classic Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
As if the remake itself wasn’t enough to send us into a fit of rage – what’s all this about aliens? They’re Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, not Teenage Alien Ninja Turtles! They’re Heroes in the Half-Shell, not heroes in a Zzyxglon 3987-ZYY Carbon Exo-Shellaton!
Unfortunately for us, the project has already been green-lit and we can expect to see it in a theater near you this 2013. We can’t help pray that the Mayans were right so we don’t have to sit through two-and-a-half hours of painstaking nostalgia torture. Or maybe Shredder will find Bay before we do.
Tonight, we eat pizza with a single-topping: our tears.