The Manliest Last Words Ever Spoken
Being a manly man means many things.
Having a man cave, building things with your hands, drinking beer, and eating red meat all qualify as manly man-tivities. Red-blooded dudes of the past have demonstrated the ultimate exercise in machismo: dying with panache.
We’ve gathered our favorite last words of resolute manly men who have passed out of this life.
“I should have never switched from scotch to martinis.” – Humphrey Bogart, the patron saint of manliness.
“This is a hell of a way to die.” – General George S. Patton. He died in a car accident en route to a hunting excursion. Far from the glorious departing that the lifetime soldier imagined for himself. Still… going on a hunting excursion is pretty darn butch.
“Gentlemen, I bid you farewell.” – Wallace Hartley, bandmaster of the RMS Titanic. His band continued to play as the ship sank in order to keep passengers calm. A Gentleman if there ever was one.
“I wish I’d drunk more champagne” – John Maynard Keynes, a British economist with a long and impressive resume only wanted more of the finer things in life. We think this is the sign of a truly refined gentleman.
“More weight!” – Giles Corey. First of all, “Giles” is the manliest name we’ve heard in a while. He was tried and sentenced to death during the Salem witch trials. Executed by being crushed under a pile of rocks, his last words reflected his stubbornness.
“It’s stopped.” - Joseph Henry Green, upon checking his own pulse.
”My wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. One or the other of us has to go.” - Oscar Wilde. Contrary to popular belief, taking an interest in interior decorating is extremely manly. Just look at Bob Vila.
“I’ve had eighteen whiskeys. I think that’s the record.” - Dylan Thomas. After contracting a chest infection, Thomas decided to spend all day in bed drinking whiskey. He then went to a local bar and continued to drink. He contracted pneumonia and died. Thomas’ wife’s first words after hearing of his illness were “Is the bloody man dead yet?”
“Hurry it up you Hoosier bastard! I could hang a dozen men while you’re screwing around.”- Carl Panzram. Executed by hanging, this serial killer had a real bone to pick with Indianans. Yikes.
“I’d hate to die twice. It’s so boring.” - Richard Feynman. This brilliant physicist and quantum mechanic just wanted to die like all manly men desire to: quickly.