Movies In Theaters This Weekend
Well. Rock of Ages and That’s My Boy fell flat on their botoxed faces at the box office last weekend. Maybe this weekends movies will fare a bit better. Did somebody say Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter? That’s a documentary right?
Brave (PG)– Disney’s newest animated offering is about some Scottish ginger armed with a bow and arrow on a curse breaking mission of some sort. I hear Brave can be a bit frightening for the smallest of children so if your kid is a cream puff, re-watch Alladin or something else instead. And stop raising a pansy, this world already has plenty of them.
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (R)– Based on the non-fiction biographical novel by Seth Grahame-Smith, Abraham Lincoln:Vampire Hunter also hits theaters Friday. Look, if you go see this movie, you surrender any and all rites to bitch about it afterwards. I mean, the movie is called Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter for chrissakes. I am looking forward to the rumored sequel though, Milliard Fillmore: Transvestite Enthusiast.
Seeking a Friend for the End of the World (R)- An asteroid is going to destroy the planet and Steve Carell and Keira Knightley decide to go on a road trip together for some reason. Hilarity probably ensues but honestly I couldn’t be bothered to even watch the trailer on this one. There is currently free fried chicken in the main conference room here at JACK FM and that requires my immediate attention.
Joan Jett hates herself for loving you, I hate myself for posting this trailer for Twilight: Breaking Dawn 2. But it’s a big deal and as a doctor of journalism I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t report on it. Scheduled for a November 16th release, Breaking Dawn 2 will mercifully be the last of the series.
June 29th releases