Killer Boobs Plot To Take Over Chests Of American Women Everywhere

Boobs are getting bigger with babes across the nation.

Don’t take our your celebratory hats just yet. It’s actually a bad thing says breast-expert buzzkill Florence Williams, author of  Breasts: A Natural and Unnatural History.

Apparently, women’s lovely lady lumps have increased from an average size of 34B to 36C, a by-product most likely from hormones in the water from pollutants and weight gain.

These big bouncing breasts increase the risk of post-menopausal breast cancer; they’re also coming earlier with some girls going into puberty at around age 7.

Not only that, but all the ish we are putting in the water is getting into our children via breastfeeding.“What happens in our environment is reflected in our breasts,” says Williams in an interview with the Chicago Sun-Times. “If we really care about human health, we need to care about our planet.”

So, if you care about boobies, take care of your environment.

Has there ever been a better reason to live green?  Mammary-loving men around the world think not.

–Nadia Noir, JACK FM Los Angeles


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