Herein lies a love letter to JACK FM.
Dear Jack’s 7th Show,
When we first showed up to the Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre, the 105 degree heat and our general lack of inebriation started to wear on us. We could have pre-gamed in the parking lot with the rest of the hotties–literally and physically–but instead we rushed down the windy dirt path to our kush seats to see a fun set by Missing Persons featuring Dale Bozzio.
After a giant frozen margarita, we watched Miss Dale Bozzio, decked out in what she dubbed as “Gucci sunglasses and an Armani suit,” get down to songs like “What Are Words For?,”Windows,” “Walking In LA,” and a themed version of “I Like Boys,” which she replaced with “I like Jack.”
Talking about her nails, her love of pasta, and imparting truth (and inside jokes), Dale Bozzio said things like “you gotta be stone-cold drunk or they’ll think you’re f**ked up…if they ask you what’s wrong, tell them your cat died,” we fell in love with Dale Bozzio a little bit more. That woman is a class act.
Also relevant: she came backstage and told us how much she loves JACK FM and would like to be the “first DJ” on the station. Amazing.
With the help of Dale Bozzio, JACK FM was starting to seduce us. He’d put out the candles (the scorching hot sun, but still), provided copious amounts of alcohol to loosen us up, provided us with a plethora of food to fuel us for a long night of sonic lovemaking, and he even provided a sexy soundtrack.
JACK FM might be awkward in social situations, but if he really likes you the one-on-one is phenomenal. We might even get jealous of you trying to get with our man JACK FM.
’90s rock superheroes, the Gin Blossoms, know all about jealousy. Still looking studly, the group rocked sunglasses and sang all of their 40 million hits–seriously, did you realize that every song you get stuck in your head is probably a Gin Blossoms song? Like “Somewhere Tonight,” “Until I Fall Away,” “Allison Road,” and “Follow You Down.” Yep. All of those and more.
So, while we were reliving our youth, we might have become so enamored with JACK FM that we went out and got a JACK FM tattoo. Don’t tell our moms. We are just teenage rebels in love. And where we got it, she’ll NEVER, EVER see it.
MC Hammer knows all about treating the ladies right. He took a page right out the JACK FM handbook. The rapper came out wearing a crisp white outfit with a dozen back-up dancers. Score one.
Then he brought out a pair of “f**k me pumps” which he put on the stage to emphasize his love of getting “pumped up” and to satisfy the shoe fetishists in the audience. Score two.
Armed with dozens of gorgeous roses, him and his hot male back-up dancers handed them to the women in the audience. Score three.
He went out into the audience twice to get fondled and dance with the rabid females looking to get into some trouble. Score four and five.
He said a prayer for all the people in the audience and their families. Score 6. And after a set which included “Pray” and “2 Legit 2 Quit,” MC Hammer teased us by going off stage and then coming back to show us his advanced moves on “Can’t Touch This.”
See more pictures of MC Hammer and his crew here!
Problem is, did we want to touch “this,” whatever “this” may be? Yes, yes, we did.
But we were saving our energy for Toto. You see, besides JACK FM, that sexy beast, we have trouble committing to any one musical lover. We do what we want. Just like JACK FM plays what he wants. It’s an even exchange of…doing what we wantedness.
So after chilling on the champagne patio and getting some grilled meat on a stick, we were tipsy and satiated and all kinds of happy and we never wanted the night to end. We’d made tons of new friends while dancing in our seats, and just wow, the JACK FM listeners are a very friendly bunch. Nicer than hippies and less pungent.
We might have hugged it out with a bro, a cougar, and an aging goth during some of Toto’s songs like “Only The Children,” “I Won’t Hold You Back,” “Stop Loving You,” “Hold The Line,” “Africa,” and a pretty amazing cover of Michael Jackson’s “Human Nature.”
Just like hugging strangers at a JACK FM sow, it’s only “Human Nature” to want to spend a little cash, so after going to the merch booth and purchasing an awesome JACK’s 7th Show shirt to show JACK FM just how much we love him in return, we also picked up a cool Pat Benatar t-shirt that made us immediately feel like rock stars.
Speaking of which, it’s a good thing that Pat Benatar and Neil Giraldo are so happily married because we’d definitely feel like we were in competition with her for JACK FM’s non-existent hand in illegitimate marriage.
The pint-sized powerhouse donned a wavy auburn bob and a stylish all-black outfit including a man’s blazer and some rockin’ black ankle boots. So damn cute.
Something about Pat Benatar just glows. Forget “pop princesses.” Pat Benatar is a true star. She is sexy, sweet, sultry, and sings songs like “We Belong,” “Love is a Battlefield,” and “Heartbreaker” with the sort of passion that sent the whole audience into a frenzy, calling the songtress and her talented husband back onstage for an encore.
Swooning from so much stimulation, Joe Walsh helped us top off the night like a proverbial cherry with a setlist that was basically a “what to do to succeed in rock” list.
The guitar god played a dozen goodies including “Rocky Mountain Way,” “A Life of Illusion,” ”Walk Away,” “Analog Man,” “The Bomber,” “Turn To Stone,” “Funk #49,” “Life In The Fast Lane,” and a bitchin’ Bob Dylan cover of “I Shall Be Released.”
And then the night was a done. It was a gamble coming to JACK’s 7th Show in the blazing heat, but high risk garners high reward.
By the end of our night, tucked into our beds, Toto, Pat Benatar, and Joe Walsh going through our heads, we still wanted more JACK FM. So we turned on the radio and fell asleep knowing that JACK FM not only loves us, but loves us long time.
–Nadia Noir, CBS Radio Los Angeles