Next time you’re short on dough and even consider robbing a pizza delivery man for those pies, think again. These days, pizza delivery men are made with cyborg technology therefore making them indestructible to the average broke tweeker.
Or at least that’s our theory behind a recent South Carolina botched robbery where a moronic 19-year-old dude tried to rob a pizza delivery man.
According to the Daytona Beach News Journal, a young man by the last name of Collins attempted to take pizzas from a Papa Johns delivery man by shooting him in the stomach with a stun gun. The teenager had ordered $26.09 in pizza, sent the delivery man to the wrong address, redirected him to another address, and made up a false history for himself in order to snatch the pizza away from the unsuspecting man.
Collins was unable to subdue the superhuman pizza delivery man and ran away. “The defendant (Collins) stated that he was hungry and was just trying to rob the pizza guy of the pizza,” said police in a report.
Umm, no duh. Also, this dude should just go to the Presidential Debate next week and try to win free pizza for life. Easier (and way more legal) than shooting dudes with stun guns for some carbs and cheese.
–Nadia Noir, CBS Radio Los Angeles