Facebook Wants To Own All Of Your Photos. No Really. We’re Like Totally Serious

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(Photo Illustration by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images)

(Photo Illustration by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images)

This just in! Facebook will now own all of the images you upload onto your profile unless you post this extremely long, annoying declaration of your copyright as your status. Do it now to protect yourself and spread this information to all of your friends! They’ll love you for it, trust us.

In response to the new Facebook guidelines I hereby declare that my copyright is attached to all of my personal details, illustrations, comics, paintings, professional photos and videos, music etc. (as a result of the Berner Convention). For commercial use of the above my written consent is needed at all time.
(Anyone reading this can copy this text and paste it on their Facebook Wall. This will place them under protection of copyright laws. By the present communiqué, I notify Facebook that it is strictly forbidden to disclose, copy, distribute, disseminate, or take any other action against me on the basis of this profile and/or its contents. The aforementioned prohibited actions also apply to employees, students, agents and/or any staff under Facebook’s direction or control. The content of this profile is private and confidential information. The violation of my privacy is punished by law (UCC 1 1-308-308 1-103 and the Rome Statute). So there.
Facebook is now an open capital entity. All members are recommended to publish a notice like this, or if you prefer, you may copy and paste this version. If you do not publish a statement at least once, you will be tacitly allowing the use of elements such as your photos as well as the information contained in your profile status updates.

If you believe that, Morgan Freeman is also dead, JACK FM is a millionare fomr south Afrca who cant spel, and we will give you a cashier’s check for whatever you are selling on Craigslist despite never seeing it as long as you ship it to us. Have a blessed day friend!

*Please note that all of the above is false. Facebook does not own your blurry self-indulgent drunken images, Morgan Freeman is very much alive, JACK FM is in fact a very poor radio station from Culver City that can somewhat spell, and no, we don’t want your stupid blender that’s listed on Craigslist. You’re friends don’t like you either.


-Carlos Delgado, CBS Radio

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