It seems like the new favorite thing for people not going to Coachella is to whine about all the reasons why Coachella is gross. We could defend the drugged-out desert dancefest that features musical favorites like Red Hot Chili Peppers, Wu Tang Clan, The Stone Roses, OMD, Violent Femmes and New Order.
Or we could give you a bunch of totally valid excuses why Coachella kind of sucks. Although we bet if someone gave you free wristbands, you’d still go. Oh the irony.
- Last weekend, the grounds became a giant dust bowl. This week people sound like they’ve contracted consumption in a Victorian garret.
- Old bands make you feel old. Naked young people make you feel old…and disgusting naked.
- The potential for sunstroke, especially since you haven’t gotten a proper base tan since 1996 or kept yourself properly hydrated since you were weaned off the teat.
- Spending tons of money to get inebriated only to sweat out your $12 cocktail thirty minutes later.
- Spending tons of money period.
- Not handling drugs the same way you did when you were 22.
- Watching talented new rock artists is fun, but you have to dodge people dressed like steampunk flower fairies.
- Not just that, but you have to be around people. Period.
- You’ll miss Game of Thrones and Mad Men.
–Nadia Noir, CBS Radio Los Angeles