The Truth Behind ‘Pacific Rim’
by Luke McKinney
When I’m not writing about video games and drinking, I volunteer to pilot experimental giant robots, because the start of this sentence proved that doing awesome things is my entire job. What follows is a record of my time with the Pacific Rim giant robot squad.
Scene: We skip all the mysterious reveals and discovery and go straight to the White House War Room. Because a movie about giant robot suits using supertankers as baseball bats does not screw around. Or have any other kind of room.
Colonel Kickass: Mr President, we’ve found a portal to a hostile alien world and they’re already attacking us with giant monsters.
President Explosion: Sweet!
Colonel: I know, right?
President: Get me the hotline to whatever countries we’re at war with right now. We’ve got to team up to fight this.
Colonel: Actually, every nation in the world has already declared a total truce and alliance because we finally have something worth fighting now. Every single declaration also included the word “Awesome” in their native language.