Working with a Hangover for Beginners
by Richy Craven
So you celebrated the Fourth a little too hard, and now all the fireworks are inside your skull? Sounds like you need a lesson in working through a hangover to…work through a hangover.
Hangovers are a necessary part of life (well, an interesting life). Their very existence teaches us a very important lesson about the nature of mankind. Some time, long long ago, the first man to ever drink alcohol must have woken up the next day feeling like he’d been trampled by a mammoth and then subsequently swallowed by a saber-toothed tiger. Instead of rationally classifying this new beverage as “poison,” he shrugged, thought “worth it!” and made some more.
This is the spirit that we must embrace when dealing with hangovers in modern society. Now we here at Man Cave Daily have already given you one guide to handling your hangover like a Viking but that guide dealt primarily with the days when you’re not expected to be anywhere and can spend the whole day recovering.
This guide is for those mornings when you wake up, covered in club-stamps and sweating lighter-fluid only to realize that you’re due at work in 15 minutes.
By following these simple steps you can ensure that, while your day won’t be pleasant, you’ll at least still have a job at the end of it.
Disclaimer: This advice applies only to minimum wage, crappy jobs. If you’re a doctor, airline pilot or fire-fighter please do not follow any of this. Look out instead for my forthcoming article “So You’ve Turned Up, Still Drunk, to Open-Heart Surgery.”
We covered this briefly in the other piece but, if some of my co-workers over the years were any indication, it really needs to be repeated. There are those that think that the shower is a necessary casualty of war in the hungover morning rush to work but these people are mistaken…and pungent.
Trust me on this, no matter how late you’re running or how little a difference you think it’ll have, make time for a quick shower. In my experience most bosses would prefer you to turn up ten minutes late and showered to arriving on time smelling like a brewery fire.
Remember, your body is trying desperately to get rid of all the poisons you put in it the night before your sweat-glands represent the path of least resistance. Don’t think a quick spray of Axe body spray will do in a pinch. Hungover sweat is immune to most deodorants, industrial solvents and exorcisms. A five minute shower before leaving the house will not only wake you up and make you look a tiny bit more presentable but it will dramatically increase your popularity with the people you work with.