How to Celebrate International Bacon Day
by Tyler Lemco
At this point, it seems like practically everything you can imagine has its very own day. For example, January 8th is National Bubble Bath Day. August 18th is Bad Poetry Day. March 13th is friggin’ Ear Muff Day! Needless to say, some of these holidays aren’t completely necessary. Certain ones, however, are absolutely deserving of their special day. There’s Thanksgiving, where we give thanks for all our blessings, there’s Mother’s Day, where we appreciate our hard working mothers by making them brunch, and, most importantly, there’s International Bacon Day, where we pay tribute to the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, on second thought, I’d much rather some bacon over some plain, old stupid bread.
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On this day, we celebrate all things bacon… and boy, is there a lot to celebrate! Luckily, in recent years the Bacon Movement has evolved past the simple strips of deliciously salty meat into a whole way of life. With so much variety out there, here’s what you need to know in order to truly maximize on this glorious day.
All of this can be yours if you just remember to leave the toilet seat down
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Obviously, you’ll want to start off by getting some bacon in your tummy right away when you wake up. So, make sure to cook up a lot of it with your breakfast. You can cook your bacon in the oven or on the stovetop, as long as you don’t microwave it. You deserve better than that. I would recommend cooking it in a frying pan on the stovetop for optimal results, because you can keep an eye on the perfect level of crispiness. Also, you can cook the rest of your breakfast in the remaining grease in the same frying pan so that your eggs and sausage have a hint of bacon-flavored goodness to them. Oh, and you can count on your entire house or apartment smelling incredible the rest of the day as well.
After breakfast, make sure to brush your teeth with some bacon toothpaste, floss with some bacon floss, and get any remaining chunks of breakfast out of your teeth using a bacon-flavored toothpick. Now’s the time to jump into a quick shower and utilize your bacon soap and bacon shampoo. Once you’re all cleaned up, throw on some clothes, slap on some bacon-flavored lip balm, spray yourself down in your favorite bacon-scented fragrance and get your day started!