I told you explicitly last week, do not take any of my picks as the gospel. Picking against the spread is a science and I went to public school in the Deep South. And unsurprisingly I sucked Week 1 going 1-3. Let’s see if I can achieve the elusive 0-4 this week. With your help, I know I can….
Without a doubt, this is your marquee match up of Week 2 in the NFL. A team named after a gold rush that happened 715 years ago and a team with a mascot that doesn’t even exist. Ok so maybe my math is off on how many years ago the California Gold Rush occurred but whatever, I already told you I am stupid. About as stupid as only giving the home team
Miami Dolphins vs Indianapolis Colts (
Teal and orange are not football colors and Dolphins are not football worthy mascots. Period. If dolphins are the smartest animals on the planet second to humans then why do they keep swimming into that one cove in Japan over and over and over again only to be slaughtered like the fish they are? Doesn’t sound very smart to me. Neither does signing diva wide-out extraordinaire Mike Wallace to a $60 million dollar contract in the off-season. Take the Colts. Dolphins are stupid, I don’t care what the Discovery Channel says.
The San Diego Chargers did what they always do in their Week 1 match-up vs Houston on Monday Night Football…they built up a huge lead only to collapse slowly like a flan in the cupboard. They wont have to worry about that this week. The Chargers should prepare for a full-blown Ike Turner style beating at the hands of the Eagles. Yeah, 7 points is a big spread but here’s a team that perpetually disappoints, traveling across the country on a short week to play a team with a wide open offense. Wait, none of you care, just take the Eagles to cover and move on with your life.
Jacksonville Jaguars vs the Oakland Raiders (
So there they are. My picks for Week 2 of the NFL season. Fingers crossed I reach that 0-4 plateau. And as always, if you have problems gambling, dial 1-800-Gambler.