I turned 30 last weekend. Yep. The speedometer turned over and I’m officially out of that terrible decade that was full of poor decisions, panic attacks, lousy dates (28+ doesn’t count, sugarplum!) and questionable drinking scenarios (let’s just say the Pink Pony in Atlanta, Georgia probably won’t be welcoming my business again anytime soon). No, now is a new era — one of fiscal responsibility, Roth IRAs, knowing one’s limits, and — aw holy hell, I’ve gotta get my prostate checked out don’t I? Son of a…
Being that I’m not a spring chicken anymore, it is imperative that I employ some old tried ‘n true tricks to stave off a tailgating hangover. Now bear in mind, Neither I nor Tailgate Fan have ever been medical professionals (not since the whole Jack in the Box v. Doctor Cullen trial of aught-4. I still maintain that all you need to kick depression are a few chicken patty melts but nooOOOOooo.) Anyway. Will these methods work? Potentially, but bear in mind that it is with varying degrees of effectiveness and safety. So proceed at your own risk. Without further ado, here are our top 10 hangover prevention tips:
Not to disclaim the hell out of this piece (“Disclaim! Disclaim!”) but I should note that this isn’t necessarily recommended advice, but it should work. But, you know, maybe consider a few alternatives first.
Now, the more frequently you drink, the more your system gets used to booze. Think of it like lifting or running, but the exact opposite and likely to kill you of cirrhosis by 38. Now, when your system is used to a daily dose of Four Loko, it won’t react as badly the next day. After all, it’s a pretty clever machine. It knows what it’s faced before. So if you want to protect yourself from hangover headaches, you’d best start practicing at the draft. Or should we say… draught? Hey! Send us your mailing address so we can come over and high five you!