Looks like I lost all the magic last week that Andrea Zuckerman bestowed upon me previously in Week 10. Whatever, I was a Kelly Taylor guy anyway. (Weren’t we all?) Let’s see if I can’t grab some of that 4-0 magic from Week 10 on my own in this, my NFL Week 12 picks…..
Oakland Raiders vs Tennessee Titans (PK)- 1:05p on CBS
Well I broke my perfect string of picking Raiders game last week as they bested the Texans. I shoulda known better. I see they are playing the Titans this week. Fun fact. When Percy of Percy Jackson the Lightening Thief fame had his final showdown with Kronos (king of the Titans), you know how Percy bested him? With a sword. In the back. Can’t help but notice the Raiders have TWO swords on their helmet logo AND Raiders fans have a history of stabbing people so by that comically circuitous logic I’ll take the Raiders to win.
Cleveland Browns (-1) vs Pittsburgh Steelers– 10:00am on CBS
Did you know that 24 astronauts that have actually BEEN to space are from the state of Ohio? And year in year out the Browns mirror that suckage. Which is sad because they do have the best name in the NFL on their roster in Barkevious Mingo. Real name. Take the Steelers here easily as they too probably want to get out of Ohio as soon as possible. On a side note, am I the only one hoping Cleveland picks up Michael Vick in the off-season? Tell me the irony of him jumping into the DAWG POUND wouldn’t be glorious?
Kansas City Chiefs (-5) vs San Diego Chargers– 10:00am on CBS
I told you a couple weeks ago that the Chargers don’t travel well…aaaand they lost to MIAMI of all teams last week on the road. Now they have to play Kansas City on their own reservation. And what do we find on reservations? That’s right, casinos. Chargers QB Phillip Rivers loves to gamble too which doesn’t bode well for the Chargers because as we all know, the house always wins. Watch Phillip Rivers do his best David Scatino impression this Sunday and crap out vs KC. Take the Chiefs to cover those five boxes of ziti.
New England Patriots vs Denver Broncos (-2½)- 5:30pm on NBC Sunday Night Football
And here’s the monster game of the week. Brady vs Manning on Sunday Night Foosball. Tom Brady and his Asstriots are 9-4 all time vs Peyton Manning led teams and yet, the Bronco’s are favored here on the road. Probably because Tom is still crying about last week’s call vs the Panthers. Ice up son because the Broncos are about to dump your asses in the harbor along with all that ratchet-ass tea the REAL Patriots got rid of in 1773. Take the Broncos. Patriots? Burn in hell.