The 5 Creepiest Christmas Songs

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Photo by David McAnew//Getty Images

Photo by David McAnew//Getty Images

by Patrick Emmel

Everything has its dark side, even the holiday of light and giving. If you don’t believe us, try being the clerk buried under the feet of 500 overeager Black Friday shoppers. Or stay safely at home and see the true face of evil in the lyrics of these Christmas classics…

#5) I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

Sung by: Jimmy Boyd

Most people find it cute to listen to the song, “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.” In fact, on the surface, it drips cuteness all over the yule log. The song is from the 1950s, which is considered the Age of Wholesomeness due to television shows like Leave it to Beaver and Lassie. Add that to an actual kid, 13-year-old Jimmy Boyd, innocently singing about the holidays and you have a Christmas song that the whole family can enjoy together.
The Dark Side:

…Most people are naïve.

“I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” may seem like a cute, wholesome Christmas song on the outside, but if you pull it apart and really listen to it, this song is a sadistic, home-wrecking holiday song that has no business being played in a holiday loop on the radio.
…Okay, this is better than expected, but still.

…Okay, this is better than expected, but still.

Just look at these lyrics:

I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe last night.

Okay, so mom is kissing Santa Claus. Maybe she wasn’t a very good girl this year and was making up for it. Who knows?

She didn’t see me creep
Down the stairs to have a peep;
She thought that I was tucked up
In my bedroom fast asleep.

Even the kid is a bit creepy. He’s becoming a Peeping Tom at an extremely early age. And he’s not even peeping at someone normal, like the babysitter. He’s peeping on his mom. This has Norman Bates’ fingerprints all over it.

And it gets worse.

Then I saw mommy tickle Santa Claus
Underneath his beard so snowy white;

So mom and Santa are getting a little frisky, which is a far cry from just following the tradition of being caught under the mistletoe.

Oh, what a laugh it would have been
If Daddy had only seen
Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night.

Poison — the gift that keeps on taking.

A laugh? What kind of family is this? I don’t think my dad would be laughing if he walked in on my mom making out with a 240-year-old man in a red and white velvet leisure suit, and I probably wouldn’t be singing a song about it. Most likely, I would be sucking my thumb and rocking back and forth after seeing why my dad did to good old Saint Nick. I’d probably still be doing that to this day.

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