Happy Valentine’s Day! And if you have a Valentine today, congrats, because with social media, love is getting a lot harder. Once upon a time, way before JACK FM existed, love used to go something like this:
- Boy meets girl, gets her HOME phone number (if she was really cool, she had her own line)
- Boy waits three days before calling girl’s home, and after an awkward conversation with here mom/dad/brother/sister etc., talks to girl and asks her out
- They go to dinner then a movie. Boy likes girl, and girl likes boy, so they go “steady”
- The end
Sounds pretty simple, right? That was also, like, 1985. Ah the 80’s, JACK’s favorite decade.
Well love ain’t so easy anymore. First cellphones and texting changed how we communicated with the object of our affection. A smiley face was a good sign.
But it wasn’t until the internet and social media that our whole way of dating totally changed. Suddenly there were all these new ways that you could screw up a relationship. Here are just a few examples. Are you old enough to remember any of these dating faux pas? Can you think of any more?
Yeah, before Myspace there was Friendster, but it was Myspace that really took social media to a new level. And with it came a slew of new ways to piss off your boy/girlfriend. In fact, many of these do’s and don’t’s still apply today.
- Your profile pic. The first thing people see on your profile. So much of how you want people to perceive you is conveyed in one simple image. If you’re in a new relationship, your profile pic better be a couples photo. Post up a seductive selfie and see how your better half reacts.
- Your relationship status. Pretty self explanatory. If you’re “in a relationship,” it damn well better say so on your profile. Change it to “single” and see what happens.
- Your “Top 8.” Myspace thought it would be cool to let you choose which friends would appear on your friends list, and worse yet, in which order. A recipe for disaster. Friendships ended over “Top 8” ranking. And if your significant other wasn’t #1, well, let’s not go there.
- Inappropriate posts from other guys/girls. This wasn’t as big of a problem once Myspace allowed you to approve posts before they went up on your page. But before that safety feature was enabled, nothing could get you in trouble faster than a, “Hey, sexy. Just thinking about you. Muah!” post from someone other than your boy/girlfriend.
- The angry status update. You get in a fight. Hey, they happen. But then you hop on your computer and put it out there for the world to see. Putting the person you’re dating on blast is not the key to a healthy relationship.
The Facebook, as it was originally called, started off as a college social networking site that eventually took over the world. You all saw the movie. It came with many of the same pitfalls as Myspace, but what really made Facebook a relationship killer was it’s widespread use as a mobile app, which meant you could be on it 24/7, exponentially compounding the number of mistakes you could make.
- The accidental like. You’re innocently looking at the pictures of someone other than the person your dating. You come across a steamy one, and without realizing it, you click “like.” And chances are the person you’re dating has subscribed to you, so he/she immediately sees your accidental “like.” Yeah, that’s a fun conversation.
- The incriminating photo tag. Oh boy, this one can ruin several relationships in one fell swoop. It’s especially dangerous during suspect outings, say a bachelor party. Your boneheaded friend snaps a picture of you with a stripper on your lap and posts it on FB. Then to make matters worse, the idiot tags you in it. TAGS YOU. And just like that, you’re single and have one less friend.
- The incriminating location tag. Your friends strike again. Say you’re in Las Vegas. Say you drank too much. Say you don’t remember how you got back to your hotel. Then say you get a phone call the next morning asking why you were at The Bunny Ranch. Confused, you look at your phone and see your wonderful friend tagged you in his status update. Busted.
- The incrimination mention. You know, your friends really suck. This time one of them shares an obnoxious article like, “How to cheat without getting caught,” and for some inexplicable reason, tags you in it with something stupid like, “to all my homies with ball and chains!” This one isn’t even your fault!
- The hacked account. This one can go bad in so many ways. One of the things that makes Facebook so dangerous is that you can use it as a login for tons of other websites and programs. But what happens when your Faceboook account gets hacked? Suddenly you’re advertising for some dating website on all of your friend’s page, including your girlfriend’s. Now, she can be understanding, because hacking happens, and let’s face it, you’re not very bright. That is until she starts asking what website/program were you using that compromised your account. Then she starts checking your browser history/email/texts, etc. You better have nothing to hide, buddy.